Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
