maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
