I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
