she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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