we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i have two assholes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
