I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
