i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
