I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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