Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
