I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
