my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
