we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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