It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
