It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do herpes really smell.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
