i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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