I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
