She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
