I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize