I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
