so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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