fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
