I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
