the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
