She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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