There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
