It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He shit in the fireplace
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize