Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
