Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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