the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
