I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize