Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
