Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
