I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm really busy with my period
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