why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
