i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize