jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
