Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
