There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
