YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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