Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
