if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
