how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize