There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
