this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
