Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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