wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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