why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
