dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
