I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
