Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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