On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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