This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
