hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
