went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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