I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
