Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
