im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
