So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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