Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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