the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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