he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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