dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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