in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
