As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
