I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
