I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
