tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are two peas in an std pod
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
