The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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