We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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