Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
