5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
