dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
