it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize