Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
