well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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