bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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