i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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