I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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