We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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