You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
