i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
